I believe I loved him.
Or perhaps he just made me feel, since my body had been numb for years.
So very often, memories of him raid me in my sleep and I can feel the ghost of our love lingering in my room. He was something supernatural to me, I could never quite grasp him. Ooh, and of course, he was undead. I believe that explains a lot. Have you ever fallen from grace for someone who is a lost cause? Have you ever tried to save something that wasn’t yours to save? I have.
There’s no romantic story to tell when you ask me how we met. He simply caught me off guard as I was visiting my father’s grave in the middle of the night. I guess I couldn’t have blamed him if he had killed and eaten me, but that’s just a silly old zombie cliché, as I learned later. I wasn’t even scared. Nothing could shock me anymore. I had seen too many things in life. He just sat down next to me and I remember thinking, sweet lord, his eyes are the brightest I have ever seen. He was more alive than most people I knew that still had hearts beating in their chests.
The thing I loved the most about him was the silence. He wouldn’t speak. He looked ancient to me, but not because of his clothes, because of his soul. That is of course, because that is all he was. A soul trapped in between the living and the dead, a soul in a confused body that had surrendered itself to the mysterious ways of nature.
You could take me for a fool. I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Telling tales of midnight moments with my strange love. But you should have been there. You should have felt his touch. Cold but needy. You should have smelled his scent. A hint of cinnamon, a whiff of caramel. I see you frowning, but you were just thinking in clichés again. His soul was beautiful and in all its purity, that’s exactly how my senses perceived him.
I might tell you how and when he left my world. I could try to describe the way a broken heart could be completely shattered. But I’m afraid I’ll never stop. I’m afraid I would lose myself in our story, because it is one of those stories you never want to leave.
I believe I loved him. Or maybe I should finally come clean. I know. I know I loved him.
And I always will.
Did I scare you?
Happy Halloween my lovelies