If this were really love.

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Sometimes, you take all of me. It happens whenever you disappear. You always do after hasty nights of pure intimacy. You seem frightened of the kind of love you are able to give. Afraid, that once you give it all away, you’ll never find it again.

You smile but I know behind those eyes lies a sudden goodbye. I imagine a waterfall of tears pushing against the edges of your mind, because you only cry on the inside. You turn your back on me and all I want to do is hold on to you, wrap my needy arms around your frame, so maybe you would stay.

Rest my head in the nape of your neck, my quivering lips softly pressing against your warm skin.

But I never do, I just let you go.

For days, I hear your name in every conversation, see your face in every person passing by.

I write poems and leave them at your doorstep in the middle of the night. By morning, they are mostly gone, just like you are. You cross borders, roads too long to wander alone, one time you even crossed an entire ocean, just so you wouldn’t have to be near.

Do you leave, just for the thrill of finding me, still waiting for you?

My heart melts into a puddle of melancholy, loses all meaning without you here. I tell myself, this can’t be. I want to need myself and not anybody else.

But then you rest your body against my front door, beg me to let you in. Your quest for emptiness has come to an end and I tell myself I’m too far gone to take you back. I tell you things I don’t mean and you tell me things I don’t understand.

We stop talking because it makes no sense. But when we kiss, that’s when it all comes back.

If you could only see, how good you could be. If I could only see, how strong I could be. You would treat me right and I would walk away when you would forget. Not just for once, or even a few times, but for good.

If we were different, they maybe we would work. If this were really love, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt. If we tried, we could heal instead of bruise.

You whisper how sorry you are. I tell you how dumb I am. Perhaps tonight we can promise to change.

Maybe this time I will hold on to you. You will try to leave but I will tell you how much I care. You will ask me to be honest and I will tell you not to be afraid.

Because baby, I’ve used up all my poetic words. My heart doesn’t grow fonder when you are far away. I know you’re tired of leaving me, how much easier it would be to leave somebody else.

This time, I will tell you, “I love you, please stay.”

But it will be the only and last time.

——

Got inspired by this precious GG moment. Aah Blair & Chuck!

x Froe

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