I’m nothing but a boy.

I’ve never found the right words to write her a song.

How it would feel to hold her as the words and melodies from my voice embraced the air she was breathing.

The last time I tried to put my heart into a sentence, I could only write down that I loved her. I guess I never thought in rhymes and roses.

Her kiss just numbs any poetic train of words in my mind. The love she injects with her lips numbs me in a way I can barely remember how to speak.

So I try to talk to her with the strings of my guitar. She likes the sound of the wooden rebel that nobody knows I play. Perhaps it’s not even me that produces the notes, I always feel like the guitar just uses my fingertips to come to life.

She does the same to me, her touches bring me back from a state of temporary brain death. Without her, I have no eyes to rest upon the most beautiful woman in the room. Without her, I feel no difference between being asleep and being awake.

Travelling the world in these fancy jets with these shining shoes and my hair stylist clinging to me like an old piece of chewing gum to a shoe, I never find any place as captivating as her eyes.

Her eyes I want to stare into as I play another wordless song with hands that are shaky and a heart that knows she will never tell my secrets to the world outside our room.

Honestly, she makes me feel like I’m nothing but a boy and it’s the one thing I need the most. To be loved, for who I am. To forget the everyday games I play.  To be able to not try and live up to expectations. Lie in bed for too long, forget to brush my hair, be indecisive about my outfits…to feel annoyed by my band members,  call my mother when I feel ill, eat too many bagels at breakfast and my habit of checking if all windows and doors are closed once, twice and on stress days, three times.

I don’t know why, but she doesn’t mind. I don’t know why, but it’s what moves me the most.

She loves me for me.

Love songs might be too hard for me to write, but I love her. I love you. I love you. It’s all I can put into words.

———————

Written for Tiny, with all my love xoxoxoxo

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