I broke into his world when he was half asleep.
A hint of a dream flowing from his lips, eyes hidden from the tears I spilled. Useless drops falling from this useless feeling I am unable to describe.
Have you ever cried for a stranger’s sake. Someone you never held? Choked up conversations you wish you never had. But he didn’t need words, no we didn’t need to negotiate.
He was a perfect image escaping from my memories. Perhaps I was the story he was never told.
My fingers pressed against his half-opened window, my need for him burning my fingertips and every sense of security.
I knew that it wasn’t the window that kept us apart. It was my frozen, lifeless body, embraced by the soft evening chill and his softly beating warmth that separated our band so brutally, as it always had.
Every night I would stare at my boy and I would cry. Rain pouring out of the sky, a ghost’s teardrops fooling the nature’s answers to why.
Why, earth and wind and summer and spring…why did I have to die.
Leaving my son to sleep without my caring eye.
You won’t conquer what I never had. I won’t rest ‘till he feels me lingering, wandering and tell me it’s ok to say goodbye.
Because a mother should never let her child down. Not even when it won’t remember a name, a smell, a whisper, a hair color, a smile. Not even when I’m nothing more but a faded soul passing by, called from the heavens but given up on by life.
Good ghosts don’t scare, they stand by your side. Just as I’ll watch over my boy every night.
Until we say goodbye.