A restless girl shivered, her weathered hands clutching the damp scarf draped around her neck. She felt suffocated, but not by the prickling wool or the moist air she inhaled.
Memories shaped as rough hands enclosed her throat with their slick fingers, an ice cold grip making her gasp.
The mental trace of him in her mind led to the perfect lines of his face, the gentle dent in his chin, a voice that always sounded husky as if it had just woken up and carried the blissful memory of the night before.
Having lost her way inside of her thoughts, the craving for a man she had long lost now overwhelmed her mental capability of staying sane.
She needed his romance more than the sleep that hunted her this night.
Hard words had driven him away from her but her heart still couldn’t agree with the “I never want to see you again” her lips had formed.
Actually, she wanted nothing more but to see his face throughout the day, walk next to him when he looked up at the sky and sighed, determine every step he took as the rain splashed down on him.
He had become too much of who she was, yes, as if his glance was now to be seen in everyone’s eyes, as if the radio kept playing songs he only liked and the fact his name appeared in every random TV show.
He was everywhere. He meant everything. Nothing else mattered; until he started to cry the night before this one.
They were holding each other, their eyes fixed on a bright yet lonely moon. She felt a sharp wind blowing through her hair and mind, realizing she would never be able to let go of the boy who sacrificed himself to her.
He was the piano she could never play, he formed the strings she didn’t even need to touch in order to form a melody. A melody of a perfect understanding between two lovers. The musician and the music, needing each other to exist.
But when she kissed his cheek gently and tasted his salty tears clinging to her needy lips, her body froze over and cold hands grasped his shoulders.
Her hero couldn’t be ordinary. Cause if he hurt, she would hurt even more.
“I have to leave in two days,” his response to her desperate gaze had dislodged the lock to her fear she usually tucked away deep down.
When he left, there was nothing to believe in anymore. She had begged him not to go, to leave his career plans for the wolves to devour them. She promised him more than the bright moon watching them could ever offer, but he refused to be her hero any longer.
“I’ll come back for you,” he had sobbed, but she couldn’t wait for her soul to break down to pieces until he’d come back to glue her up again.
“If you leave now, I never want to see you again,” she had spat the threat right at him, leaving him frightened and small.
No reply came. She left before he could.
She ran, ran through the streets to try and hide from the words he had spoken, the truth he had finally brought up.
And here she ran again. A day full of wandering and thinking over the cruelty of her lover’s faith had passed. What if he’d never come back and was to die alone without having kissed her goodbye? What if he had no choice but to leave, because he needed to keep up appearances when it came to the rest of the world?
There was more to his life than their own little world. She had been selfish.
When the moon softly slipped into the twilight, her eyes stayed fixed on its luminance. Her boy was the sun she could no longer see and she formed the moon that was able to shine in his shadow.
She had left this boy she loved to cry by himself.
Tears couldn’t heal if there were more to concur.
So she ran, tripped over rocks of guilt and drudged through her sorrow. He was leaving by dawn and she would offer him her bare love if he still wanted to accept it. She would be left behind but he would leave with her smile sticking to his melting heart.
Right now it was the only thing that mattered to her.
Her legs carried her light weight easily, though her heavy heart made her feel like she had to drag herself towards her baby’s house.
He was there. Head down, face hidden in the giant hoodie he loved stealing from his brother, eyes checking his watch every five seconds and a mind cursing time for flying by so easily.
It felt like his sadness radiated off of him, like the rays of light coming from the man that she called her sun burned her beautiful skin until she was soft and unimportant as the dust that crept over the pavement.
If she’d lay down here, would he step over her? Maybe even crush her. She’d let him, because she’d understand.
The rain poured, as she held out her hands to touch his crooked back with her scarlet hands. The blood of an executed love stuck to her fingers, but maybe it wasn’t too late to still undo what she had done.
She barely recognized his face as he turned around, pools of dark water forming eyes she used to admire. They were flowing over, a flood washing the once so vibrant color off his cheeks.
He opened his mouth, his bottom lip shaking, tiny curves dancing on his wrinkled forehead.
“Don’t worry, you’ll never see me again, as you wished,” his voice tensed, his body shut down.
She cupped his face with her shaky hands, trying to keep him from closing his eyes. The weeping coming from the sky seemed to trickle out of the black wounds plastered to the moon hovering above them.
“I love you,” she whispered gently, a sweet wave of honesty fanning over his face.
She had never, ever before, spoken the words he had always longed to hear. He knew she needed him, but he never really knew why. That’s why he decided to leave in the first place. He never wished to be someone’s savior, if that person couldn’t save him from a lonely heart.
He was no hero, he was in love.
“You look beautiful in the rain,” he smiled softly, his thumbs stroking her shivery lips.
She looked up at him shyly, rolling her eyes subtly and leaning into him so she could steal some of his warmth.
“I’m sorry I-“ she breathed against his lips, but he caught them in a kiss before she could finish her sentence.
He held her in his arms as she pulled him even closer. Saving each other. Loving each other.
“Come with me,” he broke the hasty moment of needy affection, slipping his hand through her soaked hair.
“Let’s make the world ours.”
Dedicated to my friends (Kim, Wien, Laura,… I love you), my mom,my inspirational artists, my bro and these amazing people on twitter & elsewhere who continue to support me: Chantelle Paige, Audrey Kitching, Richie, Emilio, Desi & Tracie, Tara, Vicki, Vincent, Pauline,Sofie, Hanna,Aino, Susslianne, Shayenne, Laure, Anabeli, Ristarx, ErikaWTF, Free, Evelien, __Lindy, Tomkaulitzluv, Ladysteffita, Starburst_Sarah, Tjailadiamond, Licia, Saar, Chantelledaily, Joke, James, Marco,Sharon, Anke, cigimuz, Jmin4C4dillac, lostmymind, ChanFamParty and especially the sweet Nina. + so many more…Thank you for inspiring me. I love you all.xoxo